i say things
I went on a date with a dude a few weeks ago who said to me that night, “You have a beautiful body, but I usually am into more slender girls.” I explained to him that I had recovered from a very serious eating disorder and that I had fought for years to de-brainwash myself into not hating the way I was built. My body is the way it is, and it has been at this set point for years.
He asked me if I would consider weight loss, but that he “would be okay with it if I never changed anything” (how kind). He also was “disappointed” that I have tattoos, and told me that if we continued to see each other, he’d like me to refrain from getting more.
It took me a few weeks to fully process this experience and the mixed emotions I’ve had about it. Should I feel guilty about tattoos? Should I be embarrassed about my large breasts or belly? I’ve come to the conclusion: Ummm…NO. I LIKE MY BODY.
I’m grateful for that presumptuous little motherfucker, because I realize FULLY that I really like myself, would feel alien in another body, and I’m not going to change anything that isn’t motivated from my own healthy desire. My form is not a flaw to be fixed, and my life is not a series of goals to achieve.
And if I want another fucking tattoo, or five, then I will get them.